Personally...I Hate Puzzles

When I was a little girl my grandmother always tried to get me to do puzzles with her, and each attempt was usually a failed one on her part. I'm not one for puzzles, never have been. I don't have the patients to sit quietly and try to find that one perfect little piece that's only going to cause me to have to find more little perfect pieces in order to complete a picture. It frustrates me, annoys me, and generally makes me angry, and bores me. I've begun to think though, that my distaste for puzzles might explain a lot about my life...think about it.

Now, are you ready for a good ol' metaphor?! Great, cause here it comes...Life is a puzzle. You are supposed to spend most of your younger years building some of the pieces for your puzzle, like getting your education, finding family and friends. But once you're done with your education and you have your stable family and friends laid as a base you have to start looking for more pieces. Pieces that you can't build yourself like a career, someone to marry, somewhere to live. I'm at that stage now where I have to find those pieces instead of making them myself. I was golden when I was making them, awesome at building a stable foundation with the pieces I had made. But now, trying to actually find pieces that fit into my puzzle that I've started to make is hard and scary. Above all, though, it's incredibly frustrating! I feel like a little girl again being held on my grandmothers lap, being forced to hold still and to find these stupid little pieces to finish this puzzle. I'm far too impatient to take my time and to search meticulously for these perfect little pieces. Wishful thinking is, why can;t these pieces just fall in my lap? Present themselves like little presents all tied up in little bows at my feet? I don't want to search and search and search for the perfect career, I don't want to be unemployed, and I don't want rejection from the places that I apply to. I want that one perfect fit, that one place where I'll be happy and enjoy what I'm doing and am good at what I do.

Yes, I know all of this is completely unrealistic and I probably sound like a 5 year old whining. Like I said, I feel like that little girl again. Trust me, I'm no quitter, I'll keep looking for these perfect little pieces and hope that they fit into place like I want them to. I've only been graduated now for nearly 2 months. I might be over thinking this whole thing just a little bit, but it's frustrating. I hope that, ultimately, even though I am horrible at puzzles I'll be able to make this puzzle work out of all of them. Stupid freaking puzzles...

Hooray!!...Uhm, So What Now?

My friend Adam and I at Graduation

It is official! I'm now a college graduate! The proud holder of a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice! That's all great and all, but uhm... so... what now? The suspense, excitement, partying, and ceremony is over. The family all came and gave their gifts and hugs, my friends partied it up with me, and the finals and stress is all over. I should be on cloud nine, right? I should be elated and life could never be better, but that's not the case.

While you're in school, especially those freshman and sophomore years, there really isn't much to worry about. You're more preoccupied with sorority meetings, boys, maybe classes, and how you're going to afford your next pack of Ramon Noodles. Once junior year comes around though, you start actually thinking about what you want to do, where you might want to work. You're filled with all of this hope and excitement. Next, you blink and magically you're a senior in college with only two more semesters to really get your shit together. All of a sudden, you're only a few short weeks away from graduation and you realize that you have no perspective jobs lined up. How can that be though? You are the proud owner of a prestigious Bachelors Degree, you worked your ass off for four years, something that everyone should be impressed with!

Everyone at my graduation party kept asking me that annoying little question, it stung every time they asked it, like their words were little bees flying and stinging my ears. "So hows it feel to be graduated?" "What are your plans now?" It's pretty humiliating when you have to tell these people who were so proud of you that, you really have no idea what you're gonna do. Now, it's not that I haven't tried to get jobs lined up. I have, trust me. And to my dismay, I was rejected. Maybe rejected is too harsh a term, but not picked is what happened, take it how you want it. Regardless of whatever you want to call it, it's not a good feeling.

Honestly, I had these grand thoughts that I was going to have a job right as soon as I got out of college, that everything was going to be peachy-keen. No. Now that my rose colored glasses are gone, I'll be completely honest...I have no idea where to even start! If anyone wants to know what drowning feels like, well, I think I have a decent idea of what it feels like. Keep your fingers crossed for me that maybe the stars will align and I'll find my way to something perfect! For all those new grads who are stumbling and drowning right beside me...hang in there! At least you aren't drowning alone my friends!

Credit Where Credit is Due

Before I do anything else like rant, complain, go off, or try to explain myself to the rest of the world, let me first and foremost give credit where credit is due. There's actually a few people who are receiving this credit actually, namely my best friend Miss Amber. See, she has this uncanny ability to talk me into getting all sorts of accounts on lord only knows how many different websites and social networks. Just so happens, she's pretty much the entire reason why this blog now exists. Yes, I do have a lot to say... probably more than I realized... and  she decided to, so lovingly, pass on her new found "self help" method of blogging out her demons. Well to that I must say, right on Amber. Right on. Now of course anyone can talk you into getting a blog but what is a blog if you have nothing to talk about? Here's where the praise gets tricky. This credit is due to all of my ex's, all of the uhm...charming...males who have made my life what it is today. Thank you gentlemen, without you and your wonderful influences I would have nothing to rant about.

Honestly, I have no idea if anyone, or if everyone, is going to read my posts. But what I do know is, that if anyone does they will surely be entertained! I'm no different from any other twenty something year old who's just trying to make it through life. I assume we all want the same things: a fun life, great trustworthy friends, an impeccable love life, and success in whatever career we're about to be thrown into. Some of us already have a lot of that and to those blessed few, I salute you (and envy the shit out of you). For the rest of you floundering out there looking for all of the above...like me... HHHEEEEYYYY!!!! Welcome to the club!

I'm sure this blog will be full of passive aggressive rants, emotional bombshells, horrificly embarrasing stories, and a wide range of stupidity that seems to plague my life. No, I realize that my life is not that bad. Yes, I have food, money, and a roof over my head, but these are my confessions. Selfish, irrational, angry, silly confessions. Enjoy.